Friday, November 15, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
Choose wisely
Tattoos are one of those things that usually take some type of thought process before getting one because it is going to be there for the rest of your life. If I have advice for anyone getting a tattoo, it is choose wisely because you are going to have it when you are 90 years old or however long you fuggin live for. What I do not understand is how such a nice, presentable guy got a tattoo like this?
What was this guys thought process? This is hysterical but my god, have some respect for yourself. Can you think of this guy when he is 80 having that tattoo on his head still? I mean any child would be happy to call this guy grandpa... How about this scenario, think if this guy served our country and saved somebody from an explosion and he was in papers all over the country with that tattoo on his head. Or if he was running for mayer in his hometown. But no, he is a piece of shit that is most likely homeless, drunk, and needs a barber. Keep rockin man
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Freaks
What on earth has happened that celebrities and people in the spotlight have decided to dress like complete assholes? In the past few years, Lady Gaga seemed to be the first with her ridiculous outfits and fucked up face. Thats cool that she wants to dress like a freak but why are all of these other people doing the same thing? Like what has happened in Hollywood or wherever these morons live at that makes them all start dressing like this? Did they all drink some bad water or do some bad meth? Like what has happened that somebody was like, "Yeah, I think that shopping cart would go great as a dress and that flower pot would really look good on my head." Not only is Lady Gaga doing it, but fucked up celebrities like Rihanna, Miley Cyrus, Bieber, Nicki Minaj, Will I Am, and Amanda Bynes, just to name a few. Isn't the point of these people in the media to look good? Nobody has ever looked good looking wearing a fucking parking cone. You might as well just spray paint, "I am a fucking lunatic," on your forehead because it has got to be hard for somebody to get know somebody that wears empty soda bottles for shoes. Think about how hard it would be to have a conversation with Nicki Minaj, it would be like talking to a fucked up easter bunny. I wouldn't know whether I should sit on her lap to get a picture taken or take off running because I just saw a mythic creature.
I have a new idea, why doesn't somebody start a fashion show so homeless people can model what they wear? I mean all of these freaks wear garbage so why can't poor people do the same? We can call it the Shit-bum Fashion Show and it really emphasizes creativity when you have nothing to work with because that is obviously what celebrities do. People can wear newspapers as shirts and old to-go boxes on their feet. It will be brilliant and the worst thing about it, Rihanna will probably want to sponsor it.
I have a new idea, why doesn't somebody start a fashion show so homeless people can model what they wear? I mean all of these freaks wear garbage so why can't poor people do the same? We can call it the Shit-bum Fashion Show and it really emphasizes creativity when you have nothing to work with because that is obviously what celebrities do. People can wear newspapers as shirts and old to-go boxes on their feet. It will be brilliant and the worst thing about it, Rihanna will probably want to sponsor it.
What the fuck is Kermit wearing?
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Symbolism
Symbolism can mean a lot of things. It can also be true and false. What is not true or false is how big of dumb fucks some people can be when they look to far into symbolism. People want to look at everything from art work to shitty movies and think there is symbolism there. Yes, in some paintings and different parts of movies and what not, there are parts of symbolism. In movies, when things relate to each other throughout the film, there are definitely parts of symbolism in connecting the dots. There is also different forms of this in different things as well but one thing that really pisses me off is when people think they find symbolism in shit that is not there. In class, there was a discussion going on about a scene in one movie. Somebody raised there hand and said, "I think that the ring meant he was married to the group." No I am not talking about Lord of the Rings or whatever that group of losers are called. When I heard the comment about the ring, which really had no part in the movie besides it added to the guys character, I wanted to turn around and shove two middle fingers right in the kids face. Luckily, I am civilized. Just because we are in film class doesn't mean that you have to try to be intelligent and think of some bullshit answer, you were sleeping half of the movie anyway.
As far as artwork goes, for all of you hippie freaks out there, do not look into it too much. Have you ever thought that a painting is made because the artist just thought it would be a cool picture? Not because he had level 5 depression and because his wife had 3 eyes. I mean fuck, I get that paintings and artwork is a form of expression but why do people have to think that a painting of a stick figure means that the artist was having a bad tuesday because his pubes were too long. If you really think there is symbolism in every piece of artwork or painting you see, you are sorely wrong. A kid once told me that he thought a river in the background of a painting was supposed to mean that water means that it makes the guy seem like he can live forever if he just keeps flowing with life. Yeah, I mean I was kind of thinking the same thing but I thought that the river represented the diarrhea that was in the artists pants at the time and he really wanted to share that with his audience. So if you really want to put some symbolism to some shit that is not there, think again about the diarrhea running down the artists legs then tell me what you think.
As far as artwork goes, for all of you hippie freaks out there, do not look into it too much. Have you ever thought that a painting is made because the artist just thought it would be a cool picture? Not because he had level 5 depression and because his wife had 3 eyes. I mean fuck, I get that paintings and artwork is a form of expression but why do people have to think that a painting of a stick figure means that the artist was having a bad tuesday because his pubes were too long. If you really think there is symbolism in every piece of artwork or painting you see, you are sorely wrong. A kid once told me that he thought a river in the background of a painting was supposed to mean that water means that it makes the guy seem like he can live forever if he just keeps flowing with life. Yeah, I mean I was kind of thinking the same thing but I thought that the river represented the diarrhea that was in the artists pants at the time and he really wanted to share that with his audience. So if you really want to put some symbolism to some shit that is not there, think again about the diarrhea running down the artists legs then tell me what you think.
I think that this painting represents the artist's will to live. This was his way of saying that the world spins on an axis and that his wife's tits are horse shit.
First week of class
With the first week of the first semester coming to an end, I have realized that one thing is truly important on the first week: First Impressions. When I say first impressions, I am not talking about being really nice to me or something, although that is fine as well. But for every student in a class, they want to really get a feel for the class and the people in that class. With this being my 7th semester in college, I have realized what and how students act and how they should act. Being a tolerable student is not hard but yet, there are still kids that just have no idea on how to act in a social situation. I guess their 12+ years of previous schooling still has not taught them anything.
I will start with freshman, since I was once, I find it hypocritical to be a dick to them but there are some things they need to know. First off, lose the lanyard. Do not have it around your neck or hanging out of your pocket, whether it is campus issued or not. The key is to blend in and having that long ass thing hanging out of your cargo shorts is not a good start. Also, do not call your dorm your house. A house has different rooms, a kitchen, etc. Your dorm room is four off-white walls with boogers all of the place.
The rest of the advice I have is for students of all ages.
The main thing that really bothers me is how many people have no idea what hygiene is. Before class, especially the first week, do everybody a favor a take a shower and brush your teeth. Nobody likes sitting next to a kid that smells like shit. Also, kids that smoke, do not do it before class and then sit down next to anyone. It drives people insane and it is not something you can hide. If you have to smoke before class or leave during class to have a smoke, which is pathetic in itself, bring a fresh shirt or sit in the front by yourself because nobody gives a fuck what you have to say when you smell like Camels.
Do not raise your hand in class and ask over 2 questions on the first week, the class develops as the semester goes on dumb fuck and as assignments pop up, then ask questions. If you are one of these kids, which there are plenty (Read kids that sit by you in class pt. 3), then fuck off because you have obviously survived 12+ years of schooling and this is no different.
Do not ride your bike in the middle of the street throughout campus. Cars are actually trying to get places, there are sidewalks for you morons and if you are the sidewalk, ride around people, not right next to them and nearly clip them. For you assholes that ride longboards or skateboards, actually know how to ride one. I see so many kids that can barely push off and glide on a board and they not only embarrass themselves, but basically the whole community because we are not in California and we are not about to hit the waves. We live in the midwest, not San Francisco.
Things that girls should wear on the first day is shorts, yoga pants, hats with a curved bill over their eyes, and t-shirts, if they have to wear dresses because of sorority shit, whatever thats fine. But for no reason girls should ever wear flat-bills, high heels, a bunch of jewelry, and/or high-tops. Nobody has ever said, "I have this girl in my finance class with yellow high-top nikes and a backwards-sideways Miami Marlins flat-bill, she is so hot," or "Wow, that chick with the neon green hat that says "Panama 2012, Meatball and Yolo is somebody I want to settle down with." First off, you live in Missouri, cheer for your home team, not a team that you cannot name more than 2 players on it that will never make the playoffs. Just stick to the basics ladies, if you are truly good looking, you do not need 3 pounds of make-up, hair spray, high heels, etc because if you wear that, you are trying a little to hard to impress your fellow losers.
Things that guys should wear is just shorts and a t-shirt (no collar). Why oh why do I see guys with earrings, cut-off sleeves, khaki pants, multi-colored shorts with button downs, sperrys, earrings, tank tops, sideways flat bills etc? It is class, not a fucking party! They are literally the complete opposite. Have a backbone and don't dress like every other guy on TFM or a trailer park. Guys, gelling your hair before class doesn't make you impressive, it makes you the bud of peoples jokes. If you are trying that hard to impress people in your class, you are doing it wrong. Also fellas, do not wear the same thing everyday to class, people notice and then they begin to wonder, is he wearing this because a girl actually talked to him last time he wore this or does this kid actually think he looks good in this outfit? It is just a lose-lose for you. Also, those multi-colored sunglass you guys wear, are not cool. Plain and simple. By no means should any male ever put on white sunglasses. That is a disaster waiting to happen. And the last thing, if you have one of those protein shakers, once you leave the gym, put it in your fucking book bag. You are screaming for attention walking around campus with one of those things in your hand. People do not think to themselves, "Woah, that kid with the cut-off sleeve shirt and tooth pick arms is probably so strong because he is drinking protein."
To recap, ride your bike away from people, do not be a kiss-ass to the teacher and ask a bunch of questions on the first week. Guys and girls, wear shorts and a t-shirt, it is more impressive when you do not try to hard. Freshman, blend-in. It is not hard people, take a shower before class and brush your teeth. People always remember the smelly bastards and do not walk around with a shaker
I will start with freshman, since I was once, I find it hypocritical to be a dick to them but there are some things they need to know. First off, lose the lanyard. Do not have it around your neck or hanging out of your pocket, whether it is campus issued or not. The key is to blend in and having that long ass thing hanging out of your cargo shorts is not a good start. Also, do not call your dorm your house. A house has different rooms, a kitchen, etc. Your dorm room is four off-white walls with boogers all of the place.
The rest of the advice I have is for students of all ages.
The main thing that really bothers me is how many people have no idea what hygiene is. Before class, especially the first week, do everybody a favor a take a shower and brush your teeth. Nobody likes sitting next to a kid that smells like shit. Also, kids that smoke, do not do it before class and then sit down next to anyone. It drives people insane and it is not something you can hide. If you have to smoke before class or leave during class to have a smoke, which is pathetic in itself, bring a fresh shirt or sit in the front by yourself because nobody gives a fuck what you have to say when you smell like Camels.
Do not raise your hand in class and ask over 2 questions on the first week, the class develops as the semester goes on dumb fuck and as assignments pop up, then ask questions. If you are one of these kids, which there are plenty (Read kids that sit by you in class pt. 3), then fuck off because you have obviously survived 12+ years of schooling and this is no different.
Do not ride your bike in the middle of the street throughout campus. Cars are actually trying to get places, there are sidewalks for you morons and if you are the sidewalk, ride around people, not right next to them and nearly clip them. For you assholes that ride longboards or skateboards, actually know how to ride one. I see so many kids that can barely push off and glide on a board and they not only embarrass themselves, but basically the whole community because we are not in California and we are not about to hit the waves. We live in the midwest, not San Francisco.
Things that girls should wear on the first day is shorts, yoga pants, hats with a curved bill over their eyes, and t-shirts, if they have to wear dresses because of sorority shit, whatever thats fine. But for no reason girls should ever wear flat-bills, high heels, a bunch of jewelry, and/or high-tops. Nobody has ever said, "I have this girl in my finance class with yellow high-top nikes and a backwards-sideways Miami Marlins flat-bill, she is so hot," or "Wow, that chick with the neon green hat that says "Panama 2012, Meatball and Yolo is somebody I want to settle down with." First off, you live in Missouri, cheer for your home team, not a team that you cannot name more than 2 players on it that will never make the playoffs. Just stick to the basics ladies, if you are truly good looking, you do not need 3 pounds of make-up, hair spray, high heels, etc because if you wear that, you are trying a little to hard to impress your fellow losers.
Things that guys should wear is just shorts and a t-shirt (no collar). Why oh why do I see guys with earrings, cut-off sleeves, khaki pants, multi-colored shorts with button downs, sperrys, earrings, tank tops, sideways flat bills etc? It is class, not a fucking party! They are literally the complete opposite. Have a backbone and don't dress like every other guy on TFM or a trailer park. Guys, gelling your hair before class doesn't make you impressive, it makes you the bud of peoples jokes. If you are trying that hard to impress people in your class, you are doing it wrong. Also fellas, do not wear the same thing everyday to class, people notice and then they begin to wonder, is he wearing this because a girl actually talked to him last time he wore this or does this kid actually think he looks good in this outfit? It is just a lose-lose for you. Also, those multi-colored sunglass you guys wear, are not cool. Plain and simple. By no means should any male ever put on white sunglasses. That is a disaster waiting to happen. And the last thing, if you have one of those protein shakers, once you leave the gym, put it in your fucking book bag. You are screaming for attention walking around campus with one of those things in your hand. People do not think to themselves, "Woah, that kid with the cut-off sleeve shirt and tooth pick arms is probably so strong because he is drinking protein."
To recap, ride your bike away from people, do not be a kiss-ass to the teacher and ask a bunch of questions on the first week. Guys and girls, wear shorts and a t-shirt, it is more impressive when you do not try to hard. Freshman, blend-in. It is not hard people, take a shower before class and brush your teeth. People always remember the smelly bastards and do not walk around with a shaker
Everybody knows someone with a hat like this. Don't even wear it as a joke.
.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Cougar Town
On the weekdays, TBS has the regular schedule of showing several episodes of Friends and then two episodes of The King of Queens. If any of you pathetic readers have ever been over to our place, you know this because this is basically all we watch along with the NHL network. Well I guess TBS decided to fuck around with us and add in an episode of Cougar Town which I guess they thought was for our enjoyment? Not a chance. I gave Cougar Town a chance because it was the most advertised show I have ever seen. Before even watching the show, I easily noticed that the cast of that show was far from star worthy. Besides Courtney Cox, who was only really worth a fuck in Friends, it involves a bunch of D list, shitty looking human beings sitting around like dopes drinking red wine. I mean whoever thought of that plot is brilliant... So I decide to give this show a shot. Not more than 3 minutes into the show I was not only bored, but really just pissed off. I mean how on earth could somebody enjoy watching this show. The people in this show are honestly just piles of human shit. The blonde lady talks like a horse. She thinks she's funny and hot but she's brutal on the eyes and far from humorous. When thinking about her, I cannot decide whether to vomit or shove her face into my dogs ass. The two bald guys in this show should just go back to teaching science and being virgins because they obviously don't have the face for TV. The lady from Scrubs prides herself on the same character, the bitchy know it all lady that actually has a soft side but nobody notices because her face and lips are so full of botox that it looks Buffalo Bills face with the skin on it from Silence of the Lambs. The hoosier that lives on the boat can just fuck off. Thats all I got from him. The gay kid from Easy A should stop crying in everything he is in and quit his acting career because he is a pathetic pile of shit. Courtney Cox's face has aged quiet a bit, looks almost older than Betty White. I know I am missing some people from this show but they are so brutal to watch that I just don't care. The writers for this show must really be going through a mid-life crisis and are too afraid to talk about it so they have to waste our time and their money to show it on TV. The writing for this show is so bad that it is probably done in a crayon. One time I thought they were going to tell a good joke, because they set it up to be, then the blonde lady just talked and I realized that she was the joke. The joke that nobody laughed at. If you like this show, your a lost cause because you have no culture, you like a bunch of washed up and no-name actors that shit on their pathetic looking asses and drink horse shit red wine all day. Also, whoever came up with the name Cougar Town must be retarded because it does not fit in this show. Its pretty bad even when the TBS commercials say, "Cougar Town, bad name..."
This is what I think of your show.
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