Aldag Quote of the Day:

Nick: Is accounting hard?

Aldag: Do you know how to count?

Nick: Yeah.

Aldag: Then no

Shit in a Can

If you have ever wanted a thick coat of shit on your teeth after drinking a 12 oz beverage and you don't feel like drinking a Miller product, try Pepsi. It fuggin sucks. I drank a Pepsi a few days ago and it left my mouth feeling fucking gross. I felt like my teeth had fucking North Face jackets on them. Also, if you ever want heart burn out the ass, try Pepsi and Captain Morgan. You won't be able to breathe after your first drink. Getting drunk never felt so miserable. I do have a simple solution for all of you that want to find a nice replacement for Pepsi, try Coke. It takes good and you wouldn't have to take Prilosec after every drink. Another thing, for those who say you cannot taste a difference between Coke and Pepsi, your a fucking retard and you can fuck off..

Aldag Quote of the Day:

It would be kind of sick to be in the KKK, the uniforms are so cool

Aldag Quote of the Day:

While driving by a history museum. "Do you think everything in the history museum comes alive at night?

Aldag Quote of the Day:

I dont believe in question marks. I ripped the key outta my laptop cause I dont believe in them.

Aldag Quote of the Day:

I dont like cookies at all.

Aldag Quote of the Day:

"All the Aldags were locked up during prohibition."

Unnecessary Words

The Tennis US Open has really opened my eyes to some very unnecessary words and noises. As I watch the men's matches live and on ESPN I notice that they grunt or make some stupid ass noise every time they hit the ball. For fuck sakes why do they do this? They are also hitting a tennis ball, not lifting a 1987 Ford Ranger up. I am sure there is a reason why they moan every time they hit the ball but my god is it annoying? You know what would be awesome, if a tennis player with tourettes played. Every time he hit the ball, he screamed fuck or something along those lines. That would really spice things up and get the crowd going. Tennis is a fantastic sport but holy shit it is annoying to hear those sweaty fuckers grunt.

Mullet and Jorts. The way tennis was supposed to be played.

Aldag Quote of the Day:

I will be putting the "Aldag Quote of the Day," on its own title now.

"By the end of the year, I will run head first into that sign."

Health Freak

I only have a couple questions here. How in the fuck does this happen? Where on earth does this fucking dog find a gym? Does he boss around his owner? When you take this dog on a walk, do you have to use a metal cable so he doesnt just snap it in half and eat the whole neighborhood?

He tells his owners to get him steak and crab dinners.

Football

Haha.

Everyday Blog

As of right now, I have to take a shit really bad. Oh, and if you ride a bike and/or skateboard around campus and YOU tell people to watch out, FUCK OFF. I want to throw a stick in your spokes so you can flip over your fucking handle bars.You all are terrible athletes and embarrass yourself when you step out your front door.

Aldag Quote of the Day: My dog ate my book bag.

Christmas card

I have no idea how this child got a hold of such a beautiful woman. Persistence I guess. But let me try to guess this scenario. I am going to guess that the parents are hoosiers, probably at some shitty concert at a local fair. The mother, instead of telling this princess to "hit the road", decided to take out her wind-up camera and snap this childhood memory. The father, probably wearing a nice pair of acid-washed jeans and a baggy sweatshirt says, "Cmon bud. Smile for mom." I am sure he has never been more proud. 

Lets just hope this homewrecker doesnt have aids. 

Human Vehicle

This is Meaney. He sounds like a big choo-choo train.

Bed time?

Um, are you taking a nap or trying to listen to the ocean? Kind of an odd place to do either.

Robin Hood

Fuckin' Cyrus

Fuck off, he's got work to do.

Terrible Addictions

Sleeping is a necessary thing for all humans, but you cannot abuse it. One of my good friends/roommates is addicted to napping. It makes me fucking sick. Napping has taken over his life completely and I feel like I have lost a friend because he just doesn't act the same when he is napping. His name is Texas Pete and he first started napping when he was a baby but he got over it as he got older, but a couple years ago he had a relapse and started napping again. He has been addicted ever since. Its a downward spiral that nobody likes to see.These days he is napping 2-3 times a day. Whose knows where he will be in 5 years without help. Its really hard for me to watch. I just have to leave the room when he starts napping. I have taken almost all the necessary steps to help him; I have talked to him about it, I have pissed in his bed, I have thrown his mattress in the middle of our backyard. I've tried it all. Nothing is working. He just keeps finding places to nap. He can also nap with all of the lights and TV on. So I called his parents and all of his friends and we are having an intervention this weekend. It is going to be some harsh truth for him but I think he will be fine after he knows were all here to support him. For instance, we were all starting to pregame with some really cold beer around 6:30 pm the other day. Everything was going great, especially when he sticks to beer, but we looked over and he was napping on the couch. Nobody even saw him do it was the weirdest thing. I don't think my friends and I have ever been so disrespected in our lives. Its okay though because later that day he got an earful from one our friends. If you have any suggestions on how we can help Texas Pete get over this addiction, please let us know by commenting on here. If you would like to come to his intervention, it is this Sunday at 2:00 at Taco Bell off of Main Street.

This is a picture of Texas Pete napping on his bed right after I pissed all over his silk sheets. 

Casual Friday

This is absolutely hilarious. Even though I don't need anymore friends, if you buy this for me, I might be able to squeeze you in somewhere.

I think I am going to get everyone in my family this hoodie for Christmas. Even my grandparents.

Everyday Blog back

The blog is back for all your turkeys that haven't noticed. You would also have to be fucking retarded if you havent noticed because you are on the blog. Whatever fuck off. All summer I did a whole lot of nothing. I worked a little bit, made a little money but thats basically gone because I spent it like an asshole. I have a new friend I would like you guys to meet, his name is Kyle, and he is imaginary. I will talk about Kyle many times this year. My mission statement for this blog is I hope you enjoy reading it, if you dont, you know the motto. For all of those who forgot the motto, its fuck off. Pretty easy to remember. If you ever have any suggestions or comments you would like to let me know about, you can either comment on one of the blogs or you can wipe your ass with them because I probably dont give a shit about them. If you ever have any ideas for future blogs you can talk to Kyle or just comment on one of the blogs. Chances are I will probably look at them then just shut my laptop in disgrace. I dont know if I will do the standard Jort count or anything this time around, I might just write what I feel. If you do like the Jort count or anything I have done previously, let me know. I hope to please all of your needs this year. Now I am going to go put my dick in the dirt. peace

Aldag Quote of the Day: I need a diaper so I dont have to go to the bathroom.

Kids that sit by you in class pt. 2

The reason this is titled "Kids that sit by you in class pt. 2" is because if you have read this blog before, you would know that I wrote one with the same title back in April. That excerpt talked about people that smell like shit that sit next to you. This is similar and basically everybody can relate to these situations somehow. There are two types of doushebags I would like to talk about today. The first type of kids I would like to talk about are the fucking doushebags that get dressed up for class. Sure they work out but that doesn't give you the right to wear a shirt two times to fucking small. I mean how big of a faggot can you be? There is this kid that sits in front of me in one of my classes and he fits this description perfectly. He has that "I dont give a fuck" mentality when in reality, no body gives a fuck how you look. For fuck sakes nobody cares about your expensive sunglasses that sit on top of your head. You look like a doushebag regardless. You fucking gel your hair when you go to the morning class, your shirt is too tight for you (you also wear the same stupid ass american eagle shirt everyday), you take your expensive sunglasses off your eyes and put them on your head. I would love to punch you right square between the eyes while your wearing those dumb-fuck sunglasses and snap them in half. Whatever I'm done talking about you, you fucking faggot. The next type of kid I am going to talk about is the kids that sit next to you in class and try to be your best friend. You see them walk in out of the corner of your eye, "Please dont sit by me" keeps running through your head, you know the seat next to you is open, they sit down, you just want to say, "Oh, fuck. Please get the fuck away from me! Go sit in another fucking seat, there are 20 more open!" But you just keep doodling in your notebook until you hear, "Is this seat open?" ahh, yeah its fucking open retard, sorry theres not a neon open sign on it. I mean I would love to just say, "Um, actually no. My imaginary friend Kyle is sitting there, so sorry, you will have to find another spot." But it gets worse from here. As the class begins, they turn to you and ask you, "What do you think we will be doing today?" Or a classic "This class is going to suck." The only thing I can respond with is a simple "Yeah..." I have a few things to tell you if you are one of these kids, the first one is,  dont ever fucking sit by me. Why? Because I don't give a flying fuck if you think this class sucks. I go to class to fucking take notes and listen to the teacher (for the most part). I dont go to class to make friends, I am done making friends, I dont need anymore. The second thing is, you complaining to me about how you hate the class, is not going to make the class any better buddy. But as the class goes on they keep leaning over to you and saying stupid comments such as, "Yeah, thats what she said" or "Fuck this guy haha." No...How bout fuck you because your annoying and a fucking homo. These kids are easy to spot because they like to wear big earings in both ears, tall black socks with sandals, baggy basketball shorts, maybe a t-shirt a little too big  or too tight for them (it never fits right). They also might say things like "I cant wait to get fucked up after this class" or try to talk about alcohol or weed with you when the last thing you want to do is hang out with them. You know? The type of kid that has the "I dont give a fuck attitude" but doesnt know the proper way to express himself so he feels cool making fun of the teacher to try to make friends. If you are one of these kids, move on to the next kid because I have my friends, and sorry, but you didn't make the cut.