Shit Haircuts

WOMEN: BEFORE YOU READ THIS, If I offend you, I am sorry. We can still be friends. Do you want to know a huge turn off for most men? It is straight bangs on women. What the fuck are they thinking when they go to salon and get that piece of shit haircut. It's pretty fucking ugly to look at and can make a good looking girl look like piece of shit. Once again, I am sorry if I know you and you have this haircut. This little girl below me has one of these shitty haircuts. Funny because I found it on some mom's blog and it was titled,"Cute haircuts for little girls." I guess its okay if little kids get this haircut cause they cant make decisions for themselves. The picture on the right is a hot girl that looks like she is wearing a fucking football helmet with hair coming out the sides.

Bruno Mars

You make my fucking blood boil. Holy shit, I want to beat you over the fucking head with your stupid ass guitar. Your previous 3 songs that play on the radio make me want to hang myself in front of a crowd full of people on Christmas. I cannot stand how all these shitty ass radio stations play this pussies horse shit songs over and over again. Lets start with the song, "Just the way you are". First of all, this song has the fucking cheesiest lyrics in the world. "When I see your face, theres not a thing that I would change, because your amazing." Who writes your fucking songs? An 8 year old girl? Then there is "Grenade", I honestly don't give a shit if you would take a grenade for someone, or put your hand on a blade for someone. Somebody just needs to throw a fucking grenade at you, Bruno, you fucking pussy. And then there is the worst song of them all, "The Lazy Song". Catchy beat and all, but after this song, you turned into the ultimate pussy piece of shit. I cant even describe how fucking gay this song is, I just get pissed off thinking about it. Fuck you Bruno Mars, congratulations on being the biggest pussy in the music industry. Fuck you, I hope you get addicted to meth and lose everything you own. By the way, the hats you wear are also gay as shit. So are the glasses.

Deal with it

Sorry I have not posted anything lately, it has been crunch time and I gotta get those grades up so just stay patient and I will try to get something out soon.

Don't buy this type of insurance

Progressive has done it! They officially make the shittiest insurance commercials there is out there. Why on earth would Flo make anybody in their right mind want to buy insurance, if anything, it will make people want crash their car into their house and try to kill themselves. She is such a dumb slut that I get pissed off thinking about her. I don't have too much more to say about this little bitch other than fuck you and stop being a dyke with an annoying voice.

Don't look at me like that. You deserve every mean comment you get you annoying little slut.

A drunk

Hey Al, shut the fuck up. Nobody wants to hear you talk asshole.

Everyday Blog 7

Sorry I have not been up to date on the everyday blogs. I had a shit load of homework to do in the last couple days so get the fug off my case. So today, I will give the everyday blog for today and yesterday. Another thing, I will only talk about things that make me laugh or piss me off when I feel like it. In the words of Snoop Dog, "If you don't like it, eat a dick."

Male Jort Count of Yesterday and Today: 12 (it was a great 2 days around campus. Also, 2 pairs were black and 2 were Jargos - Jort/Cargos)

Leather Jacket Count of Today: 3

Aldag Quote of the Day: 
Setting: Nick Saracino farts and wakes up Aldag, Me and Craig at about 10 am from a long night of drinking in Mexico and Aldag is wearing a collared shirt and boxers.
Nick - *loud fart*
Aldag - "Nice"
We all start laughing then Aldag looks at me really quick
Aldag - "Am I naked?" - he checks, but he is not naked
Blake - "Swim-up Bar?"
Aldag - "Let's Go"

Greek Life

I actually like the idea of fraternities and sororities. It is a great way of to meet people and stay connect with people for a long time. You share bonds with people that will never be forgotten. Most have awesome houses and some throw some pretty cool parties. But if you take the Greek life way to seriously, fuck you. You are a fucking faggot. When you gloat and brag about your fraternity or sorority, I have some harsh truth for you, no one gives a flying fuck. If you are kicking people out of your parties because YOU don't know someone, you are a huge doushebag, there are bigger problems in life. Its very understandable if you kick someone out because they are being gay or starting shit, but if you feel the need to go start shit with someone for no reason to try to be a tough guy in front of your fraternity brothers, chances are you are a huge asshole. And girls, don't think you are off the hook. If most of your wardrobe consists of sorority shirts and you brag about your sorority to the facebook world, I want to comment "fuck you, get a fucking life" on all of your shit, but I don't, I restrain myself. I have many friends that are in sororities and fraternities and I like most of them, trust me I want to punch some of my friends (guys or girls) in the face sometimes, but if you take the Greek life too seriously, FUCK YOU!!

Everyday Blog 6

Sorry I have not blogged in a couple days. It was the fuggin weekend and I have had a shit load of homework to do.

Male Jort Count of the Day: 3 (Well one pair was yesterday and they were black so I had to say it)

I dont feel like writing about shit that made me laugh or pissed me off today. If you have a problem with that I dont really give a shit.

Aldag Quote of the Day:
-Dags, "Johnny can I borrow your laptop to go beat off"
-Tequila Frankman, "No, why didn't you bring your own laptop"
-Dags, "It's sick"
-Tpo, "Haha what are you talking about retard?"
-Dags, "My laptop has a VIRUS, it's sick i had to leave it at home."


Thank you tyler for helping me with this quote, sometimes I get stumped.

Everyday Blog 5

Male Jort Count of the Day: 1 (shitty day)


I didnt see to much shit that made me laugh or pissed me off today, so good day

Aldags Quote of the Day: 
Aldag - "He can do what ever he wants!" x 300

Fug off if you dont like todays blog, not shit was going on.

1 liners

VS.

I have a couple things to say about these two energy shots. The first thing I have to say is that I have only tried 5 Hour Energy twice, and it didn't so shit for me. The second thing is I didn't know that there was a competition between energy shots for the shittiest 1 liner in their commercials. Fuck, the only thing that would make these commercials worse is if David Caruso from C.S.I Miami said them. 5 hour energy says "Lets do this!" I got an idea, lets not do this because this a horse shit commercial. And Worx, don't think you are getting off the hook, "It works for me!" You think you are so clever because its the same word as what the energy shot is called. I have never tried this energy shot, and I probably will never try it because it probably doesn't fucking work for  me.

Here is David Caruso after a stunning one liner in the hit TV show C.S.I. Miami. The one liner probably went something like "Well...We'll see about that." or "You should...probably cross your fingers." Cheesedick.

Everyday Blog 4

Male Jort Count of the Day: 2 (but 1 were black)

Shit I saw that made me laugh today:
- A guy wearing a short-sleeve button down Hawaiian shirt, plaid shorts, flip flops, with an awesome grey mullet. Your going to class buddy, not the Caribbean.


Shit I saw that pissed me off today:
- Girls that wear white Oakley Gascan sunglasses.First of all, they are mens sunglasses, second - white sunglasses for a man are gay as fuck. I think I have already said that in previous blogs.
- Really annoying girls that don't get the hint that they are annoying as fuck.

Aldags Quote of the Day:
Setting - We are on a float trip sitting in on a branch in the middle the Meremac River. This group of girls are down a little farther
Aldag - "HEY WHORES! COME UP HERE!"

A great hockey helmet

These days, companies are making safer, more protective helmet to protect players from concussions and other things. But back in the late 80's and 90's, a break through was made in hockey helmets. This helmet was called the JOFA. The Jofa was absolutely dog shit, it provided no comfort and it made you look like a fucking retard with an egg on your head. Some pros used it, but after they figured out it made them look like they are from a mental hospital, they stopped wearing it. Today, there are only two recorded. One of them belongs to Teamu Selanee of the Anaheim Ducks. The other, belongs to by friend Mike W.. Mike thought he would spruce it up a little bit by putting a fish bowl on it. Things just got worse from there. Back in the early 90's a tag team of Jofas swept the nation by storm. These two sons of bitches go by the name Mario Lemieux and Jaromir Jagr of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Experts say this could have been the best pairing of hockey players that have ever lived. They put enormous amounts of points up each year. Little do experts know, its all in the Jofa. It made goalies quiver. There is a picture of Mike W's Jofa out there, but this website will not let me upload it. Maybe if your lucky you can go to a little kids skate or a men's league game and see one of these ugly pieces of shit. But cross your fingers.

Just look at this masterpiece. Great Jerseys, Great Smiles, Shitty helmets, and Jagr is using KOHO, fuck they look like they just came from a street hockey game.

People that are awesome

This might be the best photograph ever taken. Look how cool this guy is. Everyday I wake up I strive to be this awesome. Just look at the fantastic beater tan, great pair of home-made jorts, probably a nice target wrist watch (nothing against those because I own one myself), a beautiful red mullet, and he is in the power stance doing the "rock on" sign. You can tell he doesn't give a flying fuck about anything because he is just standing in the middle of a group of people while they stumble back to the parking lot after a gators football game. I am so glad I have found someone to look up to everyday.

The Real World Las Vegas

Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. Not one thing about this show is cool so far and probably wont be. I by no means follow this disaster of a  reality TV show but I will see it on occasionally. Every character in this show brings zero to the table. Every girl on it is mediocre at best. Of course there is the one jacked black dude. Whats with the one white trash guy? He is punching walls and pictures because he is crazy about some chick that has a boyfriend and he only met her a couple weeks ago or some shit. Does he ever wear anything other than plain colored v-necks? Stop trying to be a tough guy all the time and relax nut job. Then there is the nerdy guy. No comment on him. And the typical southern guy with his swooped hair that doesn't listen to any of the other guys in the house. He also falls in love with the little blonde girl that think shes hot. This is by far the shittiest season of real world i have ever seen. Fuck this.

Everyday Blog 3

Male Jort Count of the Day: 2 (Kevin Kennedy also had a pair on today, I didnt see him. Wish I would have tho)

Shit I saw that made me laugh today:
- A jean skirt
- A fantastic mullet working at a concession stand
- A plaid short-sleeve button down shirt

Shit I saw that pissed me off today:
- White sunglasses
- Some dork wearing black dress shoes tied tighter than a snakes ass with cargo shorts.
- Those hippster glasses that people wear because they think that are sweet. I got something to tell you, they arent fucking cool. They are ugly to look at and they suck.
- A fucking guy walking around with a coach purse.

Aldag Quote of the Day:
Setting - Aldag sitting at a family dinner
Aldag - "Dad, I crashed my car today."
Aldags dad - "Were you drunk?"
Aldag - "Yeah"
Aldags dad - "I am just so damn proud of you son"
Then they both start tearing up.

Music Hypocrite

If you listen to any radio station that plays the new, popular, way overplayed songs that have come out in the last year, I am sure that you have heard the depressing piece of shit song Jar of Hearts. You know, the girl that just repeats herself saying, "and Who do you think you areee? This is the whinniest most depressing lump of dog shit I have ever heard. First of all, the lady that sings its name is Christina Perri. I got a quick question. Who the fuck are you? Probably not a good choice of song to start your career out with.  And the video to go along with it, shes wearing a fucked up wedding dress with cowboy boots on or some shit and walking around a abandon, depressing town with some chick and dude making out in a car and phone booth. I believe she could be hot if she got a new haircut, fixed her teeth and lost at least 26 of the tattoos about her waist. I just feel bad for the people that work at these radio stations, they have to put up listening to some of the shittiest, overplayed music ever.

Kids that sit by you in class

Who likes sitting next to your friends in class? I know I do. Who likes sitting next to a good looking girl/guy in class? Sure, why the fuck not. Who likes sitting next to the smelliest kid at the school? Fuck no. Are you kidding me? I am trying to learn, not survive. Today, in both my classes, I lucked out and the 2 smelliest fuckers here sat right in front of me. The first kid that sat in front of me uses bleach with cigarette ash and pollen as his laundry detergent. I guess it was on sale at the family dollar. I can tell that he has at least 2 Marlboro's on the way to class.As I struggled for the next hour and 15 minutes, class finally ended and I got to go outside I walked to my next class sucking in the fresh air that I thought didn't exist anymore. As I sat down in my next class I was so glad that the worst was over. Well, I was wrong. My friend and I watch helplessly as this big smelly bastard sat down right in front of us. The back of his shirt was full of sweat and it actually was in the design of a face. He put his books down and sat down. His rat tail and messy haircut stared at us. Although that was hilarious, he smelt like a bag of shit. He honestly smelt like he just played hockey, rolled around in monkey shit, then walked through 100 degree heat to get to class. He had to know he smelt like a fart. But, I am so damn proud of these kids for winning smelliest fucker of 2011.

The Asian Community

If you walk around our campus, I am sure you notice that we have many people from the Asian community that go to school here. SOME, not all of the Asians that go here are fucking socially retarded. They walk around slow as shit in front of you when you are in a hurry and trying to get to class. They speak a different language so of course they are making fun of you to their friends as you pass them by. SOME of the Asian chicks have the goofiest/shittiest style of clothing I have ever seen. Yesterday, I was trying to walk to one of my classes and this Asian broad was walking in front of me and she turned around and looked at me. She was walking slow as fuck and it was really starting to piss me off. I decided to try and roast her on the outside but her and her stupid pink shoes started zig-zagging in front of me. I couldn't pass and I started getting nervous. Luckily, she turned and I was in the clear. Another thing that was recently brought to me attention, is that SOME of them have zero respect for anyone around them. You sure don't mind holding the door for them as they slowly walk through it but when you are expecting them to hold the door for you, its not gonna fucking happen. I have talked with many people and they all get very frustrated with this. SOME of them look so damn similar to so its impossible to be sure who is who. You are just like "Yeah, that one slammed the door in my face.Oh Wait, It was that one.No, Its that one. Fuck I don't even know anymore" Aggravating. Also, I understand that the sun is bright and your skin is "sensitive", but my god, stop using the fucking umbrellas. I just wanna grab that umbrella out of their hands and fuck there world up. Here are just a couple things you will never see SOME of the Asian girls do: 1. Hold the door for you, 2. Run - Have you ever seen an Asian chick run? No. 3. Get hurt - SOME Asians just don't feel pain - have you ever seen an Asian get hurt? Fuck no. They have a damn show out just of them getting hurt and they get up and laugh. Its called MXC. 4. Walk remotely fast 5. Tan or get sunburned. Ill give you 5 bucks if you show me a sunburned Asian chick. Thats just me 2 cents on them around campus, they are much smarter in the business/technology world than Ill probably be and I am fine with that. I can still run faster than them.

Everyday Blog 2

Male Jorts Count of the Day: 2

Shit I saw that made me laugh today:
- A bar code tattoo on some old guys wrist. One of the gayest tattoos I've ever seen.
- 1 squirrel raping another squirrel

Shit I saw that pissed me off today:
- Doushebags that Gel their hair before they go to class.
- People that wear big cut off sleeve t-shirts
- Especially hate when kids that are not jacked wear to big of cut off sleeve t-shirts

Aldags Quote of the Day:
Setting - Aldag is sitting across the room from this girl Brooke, She is in a room full of people he doesnt know.
Aldag - "Brooke, Hey Brooke! Brooke!"
Brooke - "WHAT?"
Aldag- "Can I eat your box?"

Steak and Shakes new genius idea for a spokesman

WOW! They offically did it. Steak and Shake figured out the most genius and clever mascot that could think of. A fucking hat! My god how low is your fucking budget. A talking hat? That is the dumbest piece of shit idea I can think of. I can't wait till Hat gets fired for child molestation.

Hat, fuck you, your a fucking hat.

The bad part of watching Blues and Cardinals games

I love watching the Redbirds and the Bluenotes game. I've been a fan for years. What I am not a fan of is commercial breaks. What makes commercial breaks even shittier is the new Ray Vinson mortgage commercials. Holy fuck! Are you kidding me? Ray seems like a really nice guy but these commercials make me want to vomit. What cheese-dick thought of those commercials? My friend believes that Ray should be beat to shit by a blunt object such as a bat, hammer, or pipe until he learns to make a decent commercial. Is this a fair punishment for making such a pile of shit? You can be the judge. Slapping hands with Bernie Federko never looked so miserable. But if you think Federko looks miserable, how do you think Tony LaRusso feels? He seems like he hates every reporter that he sees, I wonder how he feels about a fuckin mortgage guy. I would love to fart in that pop corn.

Doushebag football analysis

Fuck you Mel Kiper Jr. You have a dog shit haircut and your a faggot.

Recognizable Actors

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Things that would suck getting for your birthday

Recently, I have celebrated a couple birthdays with friends and family. It got me thinking on the idea of presents and what would be something shitty you would get for your birthday. Here are a couple ideas that would suck to get:

- A birthday card with no money
- Diarrhea
- A yeast infection
- Aids
- A book
- Ass cheeks close to your face
- Blue balls
- Shit cramps
- a D.W.I.(or any criminal charge for that matter)
- Herpes
- A handheld video game
- The new Nicki Minaj CD
- A poster of an Alien
- The movie Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector

I never want to receive any of these dogshit gifts.

ESPN's focus on NBA over NHL

With the playoffs of the NHL and NBA coming up, I am sure a lot of people do not give a shit about the NBA playoffs so you will be a lot more interested in the NHL playoffs. You know what pisses me off? How the NBA and the NHL have their seasons/playoffs at the same time. Another thing that sucks is ESPN only shows basketball games and way more basketball highlights than any other sport including hockey. Why do they do this? Nobody wants to see a fucking lay-up as the number 1 play on top 10 plays especially how they already showed 5 lay-ups right before that. Its fucking boring and we see it all the time.   The NBA season should only last 2 weeks tops and the playoffs should be only 1 week. Hockey has a lot more impressive highlights everyday that basketball does all the fucking time but if you want to see them, you better have a working computer that supports java-script because your not gonna catch those highlights on ESPN. The only thing cool about the NBA is some of their jerseys...(Bucks and Jazz) are just a few but that is the only credit I am giving that stupid ass sport.

Everyday Blog 1

Male Jorts Count of the Day: 4 (but 2 were cut off japries)


Shit I saw that made me laugh today:
- Jorts,
- A cut off sleeve tie-dye T-shirt
- 3 gypsys



Shit I saw that pissed me off today:
- White Oakley gascans (or white sunglasses for that matter)
- White people wearing a frontward sideways flat-bill hat
- Black people wearing a frontward sideways flat-bill hat
- Kids that play frisbee and run into people because that take it to seriously because they are un-athletic pieces of shit.
- People that walk slow as fuck around campus, don't walk around in front of people if your not in a hurry.
- If you ride your bike or skateboard around campus, your a pussy.
- Americas next best dance crew.

Aldag's Quote for the Day:
Some girl - "I am gonna push you away!"
Aldag- "Yeah push me up against the wall and fuck me!"

New Blog

Whats up you turkeys? From here on out, I am gonna be blogging about shit I see and shit I think is funny or not so funny. Feel free to comment and feel free to fuck off.