Fuck You Person of the Day

The Geico Lizard. Fuck that little thing. Another stupid ass idea by Geico because lizards can't talk, much less speak in an annoying English accent.

You can't save 15% of more on car insurance when I dump that hot cup of coffee on your head then kick your ass.

Quick Comparison

 No words need except fuck insurance company commercials. 

       You're kind of cool.              Your a faggot that is obsessed with a dyke (Flo)

Shout out to flyin' Fred!

Fuck You Person of the Day

Russell Brand can fuck off because he is an English piece of shit. His stupid accent, look, and how people think that he is funny when he is not even close, is what won him the FYPotD.

Get a haircut you English faggot.

Fuck You Person of the Day

The "Fuck You Person of the Day" is a new blog idea I came up with just recently and decided to implement and incorporate it into the blog. I will try to do a "Fuck You Person of the Day" every day. If you agree on telling the person to fuck off, please comment on that particular blog. It would be some great feedback and it doesn't take long. Today's "Fuck You Person of the Day" is Conan O'Brien. Conan is nominated because of his lack of humor, his stupid haircut, and just in general because he is a fucking pussy.

Fuck you Buddy. Hope your show gets canceled again.

Aldag Quote of the Day:

I thought they always deep fried cheeseburgers

Shoe-less Shitbums

There are things that just about everybody has seen so far in their life time; a full moon, a car accident, and a fight just to name a few. But another thing you can add to that list is just one shoe laying in the street. Its just inevitable. Why in the world do we see this so often? There are poor people in 3rd world countries and bums running around shoe less everyday. Why cant they have these shoes? Is there a cult of people out there that only believe in wearing 1 shoe so they decide to throw their other shoe out their window while on their way to get some kool-aid? Or is it that somebody is robbing a bum of their left shoe as they sleep on a park bench? Whatever it is, its not right. Its polluting the streets and making bums look really unprofessional. The shoe madness needs to stop. Next time I see a brown leather penny loafer lying on the side of the road, ill either pick it up or just keep driving cause I could give a fuck less.

Here is a bum that woke up as happy as a bum can, but he looked down and realized that his crack pipe broke, then as the day went on, he realized he didn't have a shoe on. Poor bastard.

16 and Depressing

Alright well its time to rip this piece of shit show apart.. First of all, why would anybody want to produce a show that reveals young girls that get pregnant unplanned. What is entertaining about that? That is a fucking nightmare. They show a bunch of white trash, fat, and ugly girls get plowed out by their poor boyfriends and have to deal with the consequences. Absolutely awful. The second thing, the show is still on! Fuck, the kids probably have part-time jobs at the local McDonalds by now. The parents, if they haven't died from a tractor accident or old age, are probably sitting in their broken rocking chairs with their wrinkly skin, grey hair, and their old, beat up white velcro new balance shoes. If you watch this show, good chance your a fucking idiot.

         Old people shoes                        Fat face thinking about cheese fries

Comedy News Reporter?

Stephen Colbert, you are the farthest thing from funny. You have the sense of humor of an 5th grader. You resemble Mel Kiper Jr. in many ways. You make stupid comments that you shouldn't, you are both shitty ass reporters/analysts, and you look like a combination between him and Bob Saget. I just saw you on TV and remembered how shitty, not funny, and how unimportant you are to the news world. Why the fuck is your show right after the Daily Show too? Its the same fucking thing. You will never find me watching these shows ever and if you do, you can beat the shit out of me with broom stick. As a matter of fact, I would like you to beat me with a broom stick just to put me out of my misery from hearing about those dumb fucking shows. Colbert, you might be intelligent but you are not funny. Your just a loud mouth that stumbled his way onto the wrong set.

Here is a picture of Colbert after an 8th grader just told him to eat dog shit because his show sucks. Just look how confused and pathetic he looks.

Abused Camera

I have noticed this going on a lot for a long time and only recently has it come to my attention and really piss me the fuck off. This thing that pisses me off is people (guys and girls) doing stupid fucking faces in pictures then putting them on Facebook. If you are a guy and you do the kissy face, stick your tongue out, do the peace sign, or do the shocker, you are not my friend, nor will you ever be. You are a flat out embarrassment. But congratulations for making yourself look like a dildo, at least you have that going for you. But wait a minute girls, your not off the hook either. I guess sometimes it is acceptable if you are a girl and do a stupid face in the camera. But if you are an ugly girl, no one wants to see your dumb fucking face on their computer. If your a good looking girl, ditch the stupid ass peace sign or whatever and just get naked. People will respect you much more if you do this. Another thing to note; Girls, do not take pictures of yourself in the mirror by yourself or with your friends and put them online. That wasnt even cool in 7th grade, what makes you think it will be cool now? For fuck sakes.

Yikes!

Meaney Research Fund

This is a fund set up to help Meaney stay piss drunk for as long as possible. He hates sobriety and says booze makes the world spin. Donate today as little or as much as you want. We prefer you donate as much as possible so Meaney can stay drunk for awhile. If you have any comments or questions, you can either comment on this blog or you can fuck off. Thanks!

Aldag Quote of the Day:

Nick: Is accounting hard?

Aldag: Do you know how to count?

Nick: Yeah.

Aldag: Then no

Shit in a Can

If you have ever wanted a thick coat of shit on your teeth after drinking a 12 oz beverage and you don't feel like drinking a Miller product, try Pepsi. It fuggin sucks. I drank a Pepsi a few days ago and it left my mouth feeling fucking gross. I felt like my teeth had fucking North Face jackets on them. Also, if you ever want heart burn out the ass, try Pepsi and Captain Morgan. You won't be able to breathe after your first drink. Getting drunk never felt so miserable. I do have a simple solution for all of you that want to find a nice replacement for Pepsi, try Coke. It takes good and you wouldn't have to take Prilosec after every drink. Another thing, for those who say you cannot taste a difference between Coke and Pepsi, your a fucking retard and you can fuck off..

Aldag Quote of the Day:

It would be kind of sick to be in the KKK, the uniforms are so cool

Aldag Quote of the Day:

While driving by a history museum. "Do you think everything in the history museum comes alive at night?

Aldag Quote of the Day:

I dont believe in question marks. I ripped the key outta my laptop cause I dont believe in them.

Aldag Quote of the Day:

I dont like cookies at all.

Aldag Quote of the Day:

"All the Aldags were locked up during prohibition."

Unnecessary Words

The Tennis US Open has really opened my eyes to some very unnecessary words and noises. As I watch the men's matches live and on ESPN I notice that they grunt or make some stupid ass noise every time they hit the ball. For fuck sakes why do they do this? They are also hitting a tennis ball, not lifting a 1987 Ford Ranger up. I am sure there is a reason why they moan every time they hit the ball but my god is it annoying? You know what would be awesome, if a tennis player with tourettes played. Every time he hit the ball, he screamed fuck or something along those lines. That would really spice things up and get the crowd going. Tennis is a fantastic sport but holy shit it is annoying to hear those sweaty fuckers grunt.

Mullet and Jorts. The way tennis was supposed to be played.

Aldag Quote of the Day:

I will be putting the "Aldag Quote of the Day," on its own title now.

"By the end of the year, I will run head first into that sign."

Health Freak

I only have a couple questions here. How in the fuck does this happen? Where on earth does this fucking dog find a gym? Does he boss around his owner? When you take this dog on a walk, do you have to use a metal cable so he doesnt just snap it in half and eat the whole neighborhood?

He tells his owners to get him steak and crab dinners.

Football

Haha.

Everyday Blog

As of right now, I have to take a shit really bad. Oh, and if you ride a bike and/or skateboard around campus and YOU tell people to watch out, FUCK OFF. I want to throw a stick in your spokes so you can flip over your fucking handle bars.You all are terrible athletes and embarrass yourself when you step out your front door.

Aldag Quote of the Day: My dog ate my book bag.

Christmas card

I have no idea how this child got a hold of such a beautiful woman. Persistence I guess. But let me try to guess this scenario. I am going to guess that the parents are hoosiers, probably at some shitty concert at a local fair. The mother, instead of telling this princess to "hit the road", decided to take out her wind-up camera and snap this childhood memory. The father, probably wearing a nice pair of acid-washed jeans and a baggy sweatshirt says, "Cmon bud. Smile for mom." I am sure he has never been more proud. 

Lets just hope this homewrecker doesnt have aids. 

Human Vehicle

This is Meaney. He sounds like a big choo-choo train.

Bed time?

Um, are you taking a nap or trying to listen to the ocean? Kind of an odd place to do either.

Robin Hood

Fuckin' Cyrus

Fuck off, he's got work to do.

Terrible Addictions

Sleeping is a necessary thing for all humans, but you cannot abuse it. One of my good friends/roommates is addicted to napping. It makes me fucking sick. Napping has taken over his life completely and I feel like I have lost a friend because he just doesn't act the same when he is napping. His name is Texas Pete and he first started napping when he was a baby but he got over it as he got older, but a couple years ago he had a relapse and started napping again. He has been addicted ever since. Its a downward spiral that nobody likes to see.These days he is napping 2-3 times a day. Whose knows where he will be in 5 years without help. Its really hard for me to watch. I just have to leave the room when he starts napping. I have taken almost all the necessary steps to help him; I have talked to him about it, I have pissed in his bed, I have thrown his mattress in the middle of our backyard. I've tried it all. Nothing is working. He just keeps finding places to nap. He can also nap with all of the lights and TV on. So I called his parents and all of his friends and we are having an intervention this weekend. It is going to be some harsh truth for him but I think he will be fine after he knows were all here to support him. For instance, we were all starting to pregame with some really cold beer around 6:30 pm the other day. Everything was going great, especially when he sticks to beer, but we looked over and he was napping on the couch. Nobody even saw him do it was the weirdest thing. I don't think my friends and I have ever been so disrespected in our lives. Its okay though because later that day he got an earful from one our friends. If you have any suggestions on how we can help Texas Pete get over this addiction, please let us know by commenting on here. If you would like to come to his intervention, it is this Sunday at 2:00 at Taco Bell off of Main Street.

This is a picture of Texas Pete napping on his bed right after I pissed all over his silk sheets. 

Casual Friday

This is absolutely hilarious. Even though I don't need anymore friends, if you buy this for me, I might be able to squeeze you in somewhere.

I think I am going to get everyone in my family this hoodie for Christmas. Even my grandparents.

Everyday Blog back

The blog is back for all your turkeys that haven't noticed. You would also have to be fucking retarded if you havent noticed because you are on the blog. Whatever fuck off. All summer I did a whole lot of nothing. I worked a little bit, made a little money but thats basically gone because I spent it like an asshole. I have a new friend I would like you guys to meet, his name is Kyle, and he is imaginary. I will talk about Kyle many times this year. My mission statement for this blog is I hope you enjoy reading it, if you dont, you know the motto. For all of those who forgot the motto, its fuck off. Pretty easy to remember. If you ever have any suggestions or comments you would like to let me know about, you can either comment on one of the blogs or you can wipe your ass with them because I probably dont give a shit about them. If you ever have any ideas for future blogs you can talk to Kyle or just comment on one of the blogs. Chances are I will probably look at them then just shut my laptop in disgrace. I dont know if I will do the standard Jort count or anything this time around, I might just write what I feel. If you do like the Jort count or anything I have done previously, let me know. I hope to please all of your needs this year. Now I am going to go put my dick in the dirt. peace

Aldag Quote of the Day: I need a diaper so I dont have to go to the bathroom.

Kids that sit by you in class pt. 2

The reason this is titled "Kids that sit by you in class pt. 2" is because if you have read this blog before, you would know that I wrote one with the same title back in April. That excerpt talked about people that smell like shit that sit next to you. This is similar and basically everybody can relate to these situations somehow. There are two types of doushebags I would like to talk about today. The first type of kids I would like to talk about are the fucking doushebags that get dressed up for class. Sure they work out but that doesn't give you the right to wear a shirt two times to fucking small. I mean how big of a faggot can you be? There is this kid that sits in front of me in one of my classes and he fits this description perfectly. He has that "I dont give a fuck" mentality when in reality, no body gives a fuck how you look. For fuck sakes nobody cares about your expensive sunglasses that sit on top of your head. You look like a doushebag regardless. You fucking gel your hair when you go to the morning class, your shirt is too tight for you (you also wear the same stupid ass american eagle shirt everyday), you take your expensive sunglasses off your eyes and put them on your head. I would love to punch you right square between the eyes while your wearing those dumb-fuck sunglasses and snap them in half. Whatever I'm done talking about you, you fucking faggot. The next type of kid I am going to talk about is the kids that sit next to you in class and try to be your best friend. You see them walk in out of the corner of your eye, "Please dont sit by me" keeps running through your head, you know the seat next to you is open, they sit down, you just want to say, "Oh, fuck. Please get the fuck away from me! Go sit in another fucking seat, there are 20 more open!" But you just keep doodling in your notebook until you hear, "Is this seat open?" ahh, yeah its fucking open retard, sorry theres not a neon open sign on it. I mean I would love to just say, "Um, actually no. My imaginary friend Kyle is sitting there, so sorry, you will have to find another spot." But it gets worse from here. As the class begins, they turn to you and ask you, "What do you think we will be doing today?" Or a classic "This class is going to suck." The only thing I can respond with is a simple "Yeah..." I have a few things to tell you if you are one of these kids, the first one is,  dont ever fucking sit by me. Why? Because I don't give a flying fuck if you think this class sucks. I go to class to fucking take notes and listen to the teacher (for the most part). I dont go to class to make friends, I am done making friends, I dont need anymore. The second thing is, you complaining to me about how you hate the class, is not going to make the class any better buddy. But as the class goes on they keep leaning over to you and saying stupid comments such as, "Yeah, thats what she said" or "Fuck this guy haha." No...How bout fuck you because your annoying and a fucking homo. These kids are easy to spot because they like to wear big earings in both ears, tall black socks with sandals, baggy basketball shorts, maybe a t-shirt a little too big  or too tight for them (it never fits right). They also might say things like "I cant wait to get fucked up after this class" or try to talk about alcohol or weed with you when the last thing you want to do is hang out with them. You know? The type of kid that has the "I dont give a fuck attitude" but doesnt know the proper way to express himself so he feels cool making fun of the teacher to try to make friends. If you are one of these kids, move on to the next kid because I have my friends, and sorry, but you didn't make the cut.

Nascar

How fucking funny is it that Jimmie Johnson got in Kurt Busch's face after he won a race? I, by no means watch Nascar. I mean who the fuck likes watching cars drive in 500 circles for hours at a time? Not this guy.  A lot of excitement there... But watching ESPN all day (which is going down hill faster than a guy that just did heroin) will give you the highlights of this argument. So it says Johnson bumped Busch's car earlier in the race then on the final stretch, Busch bumps into Johnson and gets first place. First of all, he didn't even have to bump him to fucking win! All he had to do was just keep driving straight. I don't even know why I am getting worked up about such a stupid sport. Fuck never mind, why did I even call it a sport, its not. Its a fucking skill. Yeah its a pretty impressive skill but since there is no contact and you can be a complete out of shape fat-fuck to be good at this, its not a sport. You know what would make Nascar fucking awesome? Make every car a 1984 Ford Broncho and every driver has to be blacked out drunk before they start. Rather than driving hundreds of miles, make it 5. 5 miles of shit-faced driving would be funnier than shit and could be much more entertaining than what we see now. Fuck, maybe even put a couple 2 foot ramps in the middle of the track. That would spice it up a little bit. The only thing cool about Nascar is all the hoosiers that attend. I love all the denim and mullets that are involved with it. But if you are a middle class civilian that has any self respect and you like Nascar, all I have to say is Fuck You, like a real fucking sport.

Great Advertisement

HOLY SHIT!!! Who the fuck writes the miller light commercials? Whoever it is, they should be beat with a softball bat while slowly being molested. Honestly, who the fuck thinks of this shit, a fucking freshman in high school? How in the world do they think society will find a beer commercial funny when they talk about text-messaging talk, or when a guy wears skinny emo-faggot jeans. Or how about when they wear clothes with dragons on them on a guy wearing a thong. I mean there all the exact same concept and if the first one sucked ass, you have to know the next 4 are going to be shitty, and sure enough the following commercials are beyond horrible. But what do you expect when you advertise for a beer that taste so shitty? I mean what do they brew that with? For fuck sakes it tastes like motor oil. Those commercials really resemble the way that beer tastes. Fucking awful. Oh, and a couple more things. One, that vortex pour in your bottles, doesn't do shit. If they do anything, they make your beer taste shittier. Two, nobody in the right mind goes up to a bar and asks for a "light beer." If you do, you can just go ahead and fuck right off for all I care. So miller, please stop making such miserable commercials, you are hurting your business. But I guess its a little tough to compete with Anheuser because they make such awesome commercials and they beer doesn't taste like gasoline and the keystone guy is fucking awesome to because hes a hoosier living the American dream. 

Well, It's time to fuck off. 

Shitty weather

Fuck rain. Its depressing and it ruins a lot of fun.

A nice haircut

Dykes. In every sense of the world. 

Barber - "What kind of haircut do you want?"

Dyke - "Uh.... I think ill take the dyke-mullet trim today. Thanks"

Dis functional family

If you watch TV and flip through the channels a lot, I am sure that you have seen Paul "Senior" Teutul Sr. on TV. You know, that asshole lookin piece of shit that has a white handlebar mustache and wears stupid ass sunglasses indoors. I mean if thats not one of my biggest pet peeves I don't know what is. The sunglasses don't do much when your indoors because you can't see the fucking sun jackass. I mean your such an asshole that you are taking your fucking son to court for over 1.5 million dollars, you have no contact with any of your children as of now, and just married a younger women that probably only puts up with you because you have a lot of money. Your fucking tuxedo didn't even have sleeves on it you hoosier piece of shit. Thats another thing, nobody cares to see all your tattoos so start wearing shirts that consists of two full sleeves on them. The concept of your show is so fucking stupid it makes me pissed off every time I see something about your show. You design motorcycles, sweet pussy. You actually don't do shit, you sit on your fat ass in your office and bitch at everybody. I wish your show was entertaining because it is on so fucking much. Here is a picture of this crazy asshole. 

Don't give me the "Peace Sign" you fuckin dildo. Nice orange county choppers graffic tee too cocksucker.

Extreme Makeover Home Edition

If you ever watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition you know that it gets addicting to watch. They build the coolest houses in like a week and put a bunch of cool ass shit in it. The only downfall to this show is if you watch the whole show, you really get in to it and by the end of the show, you want to start crying or your even tearing up. Why do they always have to pick people that are really sick and dying or have a lot of problems? I mean I understand why they do that but why can't the mix it up a little bit? Why can't they just pick a middle class family that just wants a sick house? This would be a good idea so we don't have to tear up at the end of every episode, we can just be jealous. And whats with Ty (the main guy)? How many lines of coke does he do per episode?Holy shit he is wired up and flying all over the place. That hand held video camera he runs around with isn't going to protect him from a wrecking ball flying through the kitchen. I heard that if you watch closely you can see Ty touching the little kids inappropriately and when the cameras are off, he makes his move. I got a new idea for this show. How bout they give a homeless guy that is addicted to meth a new house and see how he lives within the first week. They build him a house and put all his favorite shit in there and then see how quickly it is ruined. I think a lot of people would love to see that house burn down and that shit-bum back on the street. If you wouldn't watch that episode your a fuckin nut job.

Here is Ty, coked out saying, "I need some more fuckin hair gel! Oh, and move that fucking bus!"

Random Dickhead

Simon Cowell! Come on down and receive your award for being the biggest, most worthless asshole of the 2000's! I have a couple things to ask you Simon, what the fuck are your credentials? Honestly you are one of the luckiest morons I have ever seen. You dropped out of high school at age 16 and you were reported making over 75 million dollars in 2007 for telling people they were good performers, or dog shit performers. How the fuck do you know what talent is? I know your barber doesn't have dick for talent because he gives you a fucking flat-top every time you ask for trim. And the last question, how the fuck were you named in the top 100 most influential people of Time magazine in the artist category? You always use the line, "I have to be brutally honest." Well Simon, I have to be brutally honest, your an English piece of shit. Try saying something nice for once, it might change peoples perception about you.

Here is Cowell as he's probably saying, "And one more thing, I have a mild case of hemroids so lets make this quick."

Weekend News/Quotes

Male Jort Count: at least 23 pairs in the past 5 days.

Aldag - "I'd read the bible more if it made sense"

Jackie - "Why do you keep looking over there?"
Aldag - "Cause they are grandma lesbians"

Aldag - "That girl likes me for some reason, I don't get it."

Pete Cero - "When I was younger, I started the dying hair trend. I sware".

Shit Haircuts

WOMEN: BEFORE YOU READ THIS, If I offend you, I am sorry. We can still be friends. Do you want to know a huge turn off for most men? It is straight bangs on women. What the fuck are they thinking when they go to salon and get that piece of shit haircut. It's pretty fucking ugly to look at and can make a good looking girl look like piece of shit. Once again, I am sorry if I know you and you have this haircut. This little girl below me has one of these shitty haircuts. Funny because I found it on some mom's blog and it was titled,"Cute haircuts for little girls." I guess its okay if little kids get this haircut cause they cant make decisions for themselves. The picture on the right is a hot girl that looks like she is wearing a fucking football helmet with hair coming out the sides.

Bruno Mars

You make my fucking blood boil. Holy shit, I want to beat you over the fucking head with your stupid ass guitar. Your previous 3 songs that play on the radio make me want to hang myself in front of a crowd full of people on Christmas. I cannot stand how all these shitty ass radio stations play this pussies horse shit songs over and over again. Lets start with the song, "Just the way you are". First of all, this song has the fucking cheesiest lyrics in the world. "When I see your face, theres not a thing that I would change, because your amazing." Who writes your fucking songs? An 8 year old girl? Then there is "Grenade", I honestly don't give a shit if you would take a grenade for someone, or put your hand on a blade for someone. Somebody just needs to throw a fucking grenade at you, Bruno, you fucking pussy. And then there is the worst song of them all, "The Lazy Song". Catchy beat and all, but after this song, you turned into the ultimate pussy piece of shit. I cant even describe how fucking gay this song is, I just get pissed off thinking about it. Fuck you Bruno Mars, congratulations on being the biggest pussy in the music industry. Fuck you, I hope you get addicted to meth and lose everything you own. By the way, the hats you wear are also gay as shit. So are the glasses.

Deal with it

Sorry I have not posted anything lately, it has been crunch time and I gotta get those grades up so just stay patient and I will try to get something out soon.

Don't buy this type of insurance

Progressive has done it! They officially make the shittiest insurance commercials there is out there. Why on earth would Flo make anybody in their right mind want to buy insurance, if anything, it will make people want crash their car into their house and try to kill themselves. She is such a dumb slut that I get pissed off thinking about her. I don't have too much more to say about this little bitch other than fuck you and stop being a dyke with an annoying voice.

Don't look at me like that. You deserve every mean comment you get you annoying little slut.

A drunk

Hey Al, shut the fuck up. Nobody wants to hear you talk asshole.

Everyday Blog 7

Sorry I have not been up to date on the everyday blogs. I had a shit load of homework to do in the last couple days so get the fug off my case. So today, I will give the everyday blog for today and yesterday. Another thing, I will only talk about things that make me laugh or piss me off when I feel like it. In the words of Snoop Dog, "If you don't like it, eat a dick."

Male Jort Count of Yesterday and Today: 12 (it was a great 2 days around campus. Also, 2 pairs were black and 2 were Jargos - Jort/Cargos)

Leather Jacket Count of Today: 3

Aldag Quote of the Day: 
Setting: Nick Saracino farts and wakes up Aldag, Me and Craig at about 10 am from a long night of drinking in Mexico and Aldag is wearing a collared shirt and boxers.
Nick - *loud fart*
Aldag - "Nice"
We all start laughing then Aldag looks at me really quick
Aldag - "Am I naked?" - he checks, but he is not naked
Blake - "Swim-up Bar?"
Aldag - "Let's Go"

Greek Life

I actually like the idea of fraternities and sororities. It is a great way of to meet people and stay connect with people for a long time. You share bonds with people that will never be forgotten. Most have awesome houses and some throw some pretty cool parties. But if you take the Greek life way to seriously, fuck you. You are a fucking faggot. When you gloat and brag about your fraternity or sorority, I have some harsh truth for you, no one gives a flying fuck. If you are kicking people out of your parties because YOU don't know someone, you are a huge doushebag, there are bigger problems in life. Its very understandable if you kick someone out because they are being gay or starting shit, but if you feel the need to go start shit with someone for no reason to try to be a tough guy in front of your fraternity brothers, chances are you are a huge asshole. And girls, don't think you are off the hook. If most of your wardrobe consists of sorority shirts and you brag about your sorority to the facebook world, I want to comment "fuck you, get a fucking life" on all of your shit, but I don't, I restrain myself. I have many friends that are in sororities and fraternities and I like most of them, trust me I want to punch some of my friends (guys or girls) in the face sometimes, but if you take the Greek life too seriously, FUCK YOU!!

Everyday Blog 6

Sorry I have not blogged in a couple days. It was the fuggin weekend and I have had a shit load of homework to do.

Male Jort Count of the Day: 3 (Well one pair was yesterday and they were black so I had to say it)

I dont feel like writing about shit that made me laugh or pissed me off today. If you have a problem with that I dont really give a shit.

Aldag Quote of the Day:
-Dags, "Johnny can I borrow your laptop to go beat off"
-Tequila Frankman, "No, why didn't you bring your own laptop"
-Dags, "It's sick"
-Tpo, "Haha what are you talking about retard?"
-Dags, "My laptop has a VIRUS, it's sick i had to leave it at home."


Thank you tyler for helping me with this quote, sometimes I get stumped.

Everyday Blog 5

Male Jort Count of the Day: 1 (shitty day)


I didnt see to much shit that made me laugh or pissed me off today, so good day

Aldags Quote of the Day: 
Aldag - "He can do what ever he wants!" x 300

Fug off if you dont like todays blog, not shit was going on.

1 liners

VS.

I have a couple things to say about these two energy shots. The first thing I have to say is that I have only tried 5 Hour Energy twice, and it didn't so shit for me. The second thing is I didn't know that there was a competition between energy shots for the shittiest 1 liner in their commercials. Fuck, the only thing that would make these commercials worse is if David Caruso from C.S.I Miami said them. 5 hour energy says "Lets do this!" I got an idea, lets not do this because this a horse shit commercial. And Worx, don't think you are getting off the hook, "It works for me!" You think you are so clever because its the same word as what the energy shot is called. I have never tried this energy shot, and I probably will never try it because it probably doesn't fucking work for  me.

Here is David Caruso after a stunning one liner in the hit TV show C.S.I. Miami. The one liner probably went something like "Well...We'll see about that." or "You should...probably cross your fingers." Cheesedick.

Everyday Blog 4

Male Jort Count of the Day: 2 (but 1 were black)

Shit I saw that made me laugh today:
- A guy wearing a short-sleeve button down Hawaiian shirt, plaid shorts, flip flops, with an awesome grey mullet. Your going to class buddy, not the Caribbean.


Shit I saw that pissed me off today:
- Girls that wear white Oakley Gascan sunglasses.First of all, they are mens sunglasses, second - white sunglasses for a man are gay as fuck. I think I have already said that in previous blogs.
- Really annoying girls that don't get the hint that they are annoying as fuck.

Aldags Quote of the Day:
Setting - We are on a float trip sitting in on a branch in the middle the Meremac River. This group of girls are down a little farther
Aldag - "HEY WHORES! COME UP HERE!"

A great hockey helmet

These days, companies are making safer, more protective helmet to protect players from concussions and other things. But back in the late 80's and 90's, a break through was made in hockey helmets. This helmet was called the JOFA. The Jofa was absolutely dog shit, it provided no comfort and it made you look like a fucking retard with an egg on your head. Some pros used it, but after they figured out it made them look like they are from a mental hospital, they stopped wearing it. Today, there are only two recorded. One of them belongs to Teamu Selanee of the Anaheim Ducks. The other, belongs to by friend Mike W.. Mike thought he would spruce it up a little bit by putting a fish bowl on it. Things just got worse from there. Back in the early 90's a tag team of Jofas swept the nation by storm. These two sons of bitches go by the name Mario Lemieux and Jaromir Jagr of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Experts say this could have been the best pairing of hockey players that have ever lived. They put enormous amounts of points up each year. Little do experts know, its all in the Jofa. It made goalies quiver. There is a picture of Mike W's Jofa out there, but this website will not let me upload it. Maybe if your lucky you can go to a little kids skate or a men's league game and see one of these ugly pieces of shit. But cross your fingers.

Just look at this masterpiece. Great Jerseys, Great Smiles, Shitty helmets, and Jagr is using KOHO, fuck they look like they just came from a street hockey game.

People that are awesome

This might be the best photograph ever taken. Look how cool this guy is. Everyday I wake up I strive to be this awesome. Just look at the fantastic beater tan, great pair of home-made jorts, probably a nice target wrist watch (nothing against those because I own one myself), a beautiful red mullet, and he is in the power stance doing the "rock on" sign. You can tell he doesn't give a flying fuck about anything because he is just standing in the middle of a group of people while they stumble back to the parking lot after a gators football game. I am so glad I have found someone to look up to everyday.

The Real World Las Vegas

Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. Not one thing about this show is cool so far and probably wont be. I by no means follow this disaster of a  reality TV show but I will see it on occasionally. Every character in this show brings zero to the table. Every girl on it is mediocre at best. Of course there is the one jacked black dude. Whats with the one white trash guy? He is punching walls and pictures because he is crazy about some chick that has a boyfriend and he only met her a couple weeks ago or some shit. Does he ever wear anything other than plain colored v-necks? Stop trying to be a tough guy all the time and relax nut job. Then there is the nerdy guy. No comment on him. And the typical southern guy with his swooped hair that doesn't listen to any of the other guys in the house. He also falls in love with the little blonde girl that think shes hot. This is by far the shittiest season of real world i have ever seen. Fuck this.

Everyday Blog 3

Male Jort Count of the Day: 2 (Kevin Kennedy also had a pair on today, I didnt see him. Wish I would have tho)

Shit I saw that made me laugh today:
- A jean skirt
- A fantastic mullet working at a concession stand
- A plaid short-sleeve button down shirt

Shit I saw that pissed me off today:
- White sunglasses
- Some dork wearing black dress shoes tied tighter than a snakes ass with cargo shorts.
- Those hippster glasses that people wear because they think that are sweet. I got something to tell you, they arent fucking cool. They are ugly to look at and they suck.
- A fucking guy walking around with a coach purse.

Aldag Quote of the Day:
Setting - Aldag sitting at a family dinner
Aldag - "Dad, I crashed my car today."
Aldags dad - "Were you drunk?"
Aldag - "Yeah"
Aldags dad - "I am just so damn proud of you son"
Then they both start tearing up.

Music Hypocrite

If you listen to any radio station that plays the new, popular, way overplayed songs that have come out in the last year, I am sure that you have heard the depressing piece of shit song Jar of Hearts. You know, the girl that just repeats herself saying, "and Who do you think you areee? This is the whinniest most depressing lump of dog shit I have ever heard. First of all, the lady that sings its name is Christina Perri. I got a quick question. Who the fuck are you? Probably not a good choice of song to start your career out with.  And the video to go along with it, shes wearing a fucked up wedding dress with cowboy boots on or some shit and walking around a abandon, depressing town with some chick and dude making out in a car and phone booth. I believe she could be hot if she got a new haircut, fixed her teeth and lost at least 26 of the tattoos about her waist. I just feel bad for the people that work at these radio stations, they have to put up listening to some of the shittiest, overplayed music ever.

Kids that sit by you in class

Who likes sitting next to your friends in class? I know I do. Who likes sitting next to a good looking girl/guy in class? Sure, why the fuck not. Who likes sitting next to the smelliest kid at the school? Fuck no. Are you kidding me? I am trying to learn, not survive. Today, in both my classes, I lucked out and the 2 smelliest fuckers here sat right in front of me. The first kid that sat in front of me uses bleach with cigarette ash and pollen as his laundry detergent. I guess it was on sale at the family dollar. I can tell that he has at least 2 Marlboro's on the way to class.As I struggled for the next hour and 15 minutes, class finally ended and I got to go outside I walked to my next class sucking in the fresh air that I thought didn't exist anymore. As I sat down in my next class I was so glad that the worst was over. Well, I was wrong. My friend and I watch helplessly as this big smelly bastard sat down right in front of us. The back of his shirt was full of sweat and it actually was in the design of a face. He put his books down and sat down. His rat tail and messy haircut stared at us. Although that was hilarious, he smelt like a bag of shit. He honestly smelt like he just played hockey, rolled around in monkey shit, then walked through 100 degree heat to get to class. He had to know he smelt like a fart. But, I am so damn proud of these kids for winning smelliest fucker of 2011.

The Asian Community

If you walk around our campus, I am sure you notice that we have many people from the Asian community that go to school here. SOME, not all of the Asians that go here are fucking socially retarded. They walk around slow as shit in front of you when you are in a hurry and trying to get to class. They speak a different language so of course they are making fun of you to their friends as you pass them by. SOME of the Asian chicks have the goofiest/shittiest style of clothing I have ever seen. Yesterday, I was trying to walk to one of my classes and this Asian broad was walking in front of me and she turned around and looked at me. She was walking slow as fuck and it was really starting to piss me off. I decided to try and roast her on the outside but her and her stupid pink shoes started zig-zagging in front of me. I couldn't pass and I started getting nervous. Luckily, she turned and I was in the clear. Another thing that was recently brought to me attention, is that SOME of them have zero respect for anyone around them. You sure don't mind holding the door for them as they slowly walk through it but when you are expecting them to hold the door for you, its not gonna fucking happen. I have talked with many people and they all get very frustrated with this. SOME of them look so damn similar to so its impossible to be sure who is who. You are just like "Yeah, that one slammed the door in my face.Oh Wait, It was that one.No, Its that one. Fuck I don't even know anymore" Aggravating. Also, I understand that the sun is bright and your skin is "sensitive", but my god, stop using the fucking umbrellas. I just wanna grab that umbrella out of their hands and fuck there world up. Here are just a couple things you will never see SOME of the Asian girls do: 1. Hold the door for you, 2. Run - Have you ever seen an Asian chick run? No. 3. Get hurt - SOME Asians just don't feel pain - have you ever seen an Asian get hurt? Fuck no. They have a damn show out just of them getting hurt and they get up and laugh. Its called MXC. 4. Walk remotely fast 5. Tan or get sunburned. Ill give you 5 bucks if you show me a sunburned Asian chick. Thats just me 2 cents on them around campus, they are much smarter in the business/technology world than Ill probably be and I am fine with that. I can still run faster than them.

Everyday Blog 2

Male Jorts Count of the Day: 2

Shit I saw that made me laugh today:
- A bar code tattoo on some old guys wrist. One of the gayest tattoos I've ever seen.
- 1 squirrel raping another squirrel

Shit I saw that pissed me off today:
- Doushebags that Gel their hair before they go to class.
- People that wear big cut off sleeve t-shirts
- Especially hate when kids that are not jacked wear to big of cut off sleeve t-shirts

Aldags Quote of the Day:
Setting - Aldag is sitting across the room from this girl Brooke, She is in a room full of people he doesnt know.
Aldag - "Brooke, Hey Brooke! Brooke!"
Brooke - "WHAT?"
Aldag- "Can I eat your box?"

Steak and Shakes new genius idea for a spokesman

WOW! They offically did it. Steak and Shake figured out the most genius and clever mascot that could think of. A fucking hat! My god how low is your fucking budget. A talking hat? That is the dumbest piece of shit idea I can think of. I can't wait till Hat gets fired for child molestation.

Hat, fuck you, your a fucking hat.

The bad part of watching Blues and Cardinals games

I love watching the Redbirds and the Bluenotes game. I've been a fan for years. What I am not a fan of is commercial breaks. What makes commercial breaks even shittier is the new Ray Vinson mortgage commercials. Holy fuck! Are you kidding me? Ray seems like a really nice guy but these commercials make me want to vomit. What cheese-dick thought of those commercials? My friend believes that Ray should be beat to shit by a blunt object such as a bat, hammer, or pipe until he learns to make a decent commercial. Is this a fair punishment for making such a pile of shit? You can be the judge. Slapping hands with Bernie Federko never looked so miserable. But if you think Federko looks miserable, how do you think Tony LaRusso feels? He seems like he hates every reporter that he sees, I wonder how he feels about a fuckin mortgage guy. I would love to fart in that pop corn.

Doushebag football analysis

Fuck you Mel Kiper Jr. You have a dog shit haircut and your a faggot.

Recognizable Actors

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Things that would suck getting for your birthday

Recently, I have celebrated a couple birthdays with friends and family. It got me thinking on the idea of presents and what would be something shitty you would get for your birthday. Here are a couple ideas that would suck to get:

- A birthday card with no money
- Diarrhea
- A yeast infection
- Aids
- A book
- Ass cheeks close to your face
- Blue balls
- Shit cramps
- a D.W.I.(or any criminal charge for that matter)
- Herpes
- A handheld video game
- The new Nicki Minaj CD
- A poster of an Alien
- The movie Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector

I never want to receive any of these dogshit gifts.

ESPN's focus on NBA over NHL

With the playoffs of the NHL and NBA coming up, I am sure a lot of people do not give a shit about the NBA playoffs so you will be a lot more interested in the NHL playoffs. You know what pisses me off? How the NBA and the NHL have their seasons/playoffs at the same time. Another thing that sucks is ESPN only shows basketball games and way more basketball highlights than any other sport including hockey. Why do they do this? Nobody wants to see a fucking lay-up as the number 1 play on top 10 plays especially how they already showed 5 lay-ups right before that. Its fucking boring and we see it all the time.   The NBA season should only last 2 weeks tops and the playoffs should be only 1 week. Hockey has a lot more impressive highlights everyday that basketball does all the fucking time but if you want to see them, you better have a working computer that supports java-script because your not gonna catch those highlights on ESPN. The only thing cool about the NBA is some of their jerseys...(Bucks and Jazz) are just a few but that is the only credit I am giving that stupid ass sport.

Everyday Blog 1

Male Jorts Count of the Day: 4 (but 2 were cut off japries)


Shit I saw that made me laugh today:
- Jorts,
- A cut off sleeve tie-dye T-shirt
- 3 gypsys



Shit I saw that pissed me off today:
- White Oakley gascans (or white sunglasses for that matter)
- White people wearing a frontward sideways flat-bill hat
- Black people wearing a frontward sideways flat-bill hat
- Kids that play frisbee and run into people because that take it to seriously because they are un-athletic pieces of shit.
- People that walk slow as fuck around campus, don't walk around in front of people if your not in a hurry.
- If you ride your bike or skateboard around campus, your a pussy.
- Americas next best dance crew.

Aldag's Quote for the Day:
Some girl - "I am gonna push you away!"
Aldag- "Yeah push me up against the wall and fuck me!"

New Blog

Whats up you turkeys? From here on out, I am gonna be blogging about shit I see and shit I think is funny or not so funny. Feel free to comment and feel free to fuck off.